How can I grow you in me, knowing that you would inherit all my darkness? Allow me to discourage you to take seed in pitch black, isolated chambers of my rocky land. How can I fertilize you knowing that your soil is a mix bag of discounted knick-knack seeded in elsewhere and not here. Knacks are bundled together in a velvet sachet luring the guilt of a last minute Christmas shopper. “Oh, it is so soft. Oh, it is wrapped with sparkly gold ribbon. Oh, it is half the price. Oh, who cares what is inside the pretty sachet….”
Listen to me little one. The dark land you want to inhibit and turn it around to grow tall, proud and happy towards the sun is not nutritious for you. It is also not safe. Amy lives there. She smothers my velvet sachet and fills it with fear, lots of seasonal fear. She does this especially around important times of the year. She gently plows the soil adding in the mixture some anxiety, a great deal of mood and unpredictable emotion. Then, she makes me water the already flooded layers of flesh with tears. I am telling you, Amy casts darkness and takes the sun away. There will be many days with no ray for you to eat. And there will be many days you will drink lots of tears with salt. I can’t abandon you to malnourishment little one. I just can’t. What do you mean tell Amy to move out of my land? Amy permanently moved in to the Amygdala chambers 37.5 years ago. Do I love her? Love her? I cannot live without her. She is the master of my mental and emotional processes.
Don’t you worry little one. I am learning ways to lizard around with Amy by learning the rules of the game she wants to play daily. Amy likes to play tame me if you can. She challenged me to a duello of tantrums the other day. She got triggered and started attacking with a heavy storm that made all the tumbleweed scatter around. What a sight. That little bitch caught me off guard. She doesn’t play nice.
One day, I promise you I will tame Amy for good. Until then, this land will be Wild Wild West for you little one. But, maybe one day, we will wake up to watch the sun rise high, shedding light to my darkness and warm the earth with full price. That day, there won’t be any discounts for fear. We will laugh with joy and drink beer and watch the land and say cheers.
When my heart pours...
my job is to scribble the words and string them together.